Post by amsterdam on Jul 12, 2016 18:57:51 GMT
“If I know only one thing, it's that everything that I see
of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak”
Ti
This lyrical excerpt from the song “Helplessness Blues” (Fleet Foxes) so beautifully sums up the experience of my psyche (as a side note, the entire song and the imagery and mood it invokes also does an amazing job overall). I would venture to say that even the world inside is often “so inconceivable” as well. I am so bent towards UNDERSTANDING that I am often overwhelmed by how quickly life comes at me, and then frustrated that I do not have the time and/or adequate resources to know the absolute TRUTH of what is before me. I automatically look for the root cause, the underpinnings, the framework – and there’s a “thorn” in my mind until I can understand and know for certain. I experience this “thorn” like trying to fit two (or more) puzzle pieces and their jagged edges together in a way that fits perfectly - and I can be agitated/unsettled until things "fit". This seldom happens, but when it does, it feels exhilarating, for however brief a time (usually until Ne-Si comes in with new, possibly contradictory data). Peace for me would be to come to the place of absolute understanding of the truths in all aspects of our universe – to be able to see everything unified as one with no discrepancies, inconsistencies, imperfections or gaps. And that no new data would be available to have to assimilate into this “picture,” that nothing could disturb this perfect understanding. Hence, the many discrepancies, inconsistencies, imperfections and gaps in daily life can quickly become exhausting for me, as exemplified by the lyrics above. What I dislike most is finding the aforementioned within myself.
Ne
I have a love-hate relationship with Ne. I love it in that I get energy and excitement from new, novel things/ideas/locations/experiences – I love to combine seemingly disparate ideas and things together into something that brings understanding (Ti) and harmony (Fe). When new patterns emerge, a bubbling excitement follows. But I also hate Ne in that I find it overwhelming at times – I desperately wish I could turn it off. I hate it when it comes time to make a decision, big or small, and seemingly a million possibilities spring up around me. I hate it when trying to understand some aspect of my inner or outer world and the number of avenues before me seem endless – which one should I traverse?! What if I take the wrong one and waste the precious time I have to come to the deep understanding I so deeply desire? What if a particular avenue seems right but brings me to falsehood and I must now use Ti to carefully and arduously prune away what is not TRUTH? Ultimately, I have learned to appreciate Ne as my gateway to perceiving the world, to appreciate the gifts it brings to me and others. For me, it is learning how to not be overwhelmed by it.
Si
I don’t think about Si much. It is probably most apparent when I have fleeting feelings of nostalgia, like when something hits one of my five senses and brings about a memory. I sometimes cling desperately to these fleeting feelings because I have this sense or belief that maybe I could feel more grounded as I otherwise float through my days; maybe I could put down some roots and actually operate out of a solid worldview like so many around me are able to do (for which I am sometimes envious). Not to say that I do not have beliefs and principles that I stand by each day, but I find that my Ti-Ne can sometimes overwhelm my Si and dismantle it – this is usually an unsettling and stressful experience for me. My Ti-Ne seem to berate my Si, asking it, "How can you know for sure?" Otherwise, I sometimes laugh at my Si when it rears itself with random facts and figures I’ve learned over the years that are suddenly triggered from a nearby anchor point that was illuminated by Ne; it’s like a father smiling at and adoring his children’s random and whimsical verbal iterations.
I do occasionally find Si useful in my vocation and while furthering my education, for instance.
Fe
Ahh, Fe – you are the oddest thing in me. At times, I thought I was FeSi because I thought I knew you so well: your code of honor, your fashion, your persona-building, your ability to manipulate and shepherd emotions. Other times, I cringe and shake my head as I see right through your manipulative BS – do not try to sway me with your 'emotionality', puffiness or smooth talk. Yet, other times you baffle me because regardless of my understanding of your dynamics, I cannot seem to always enter into those dynamics. Further irritating, is my psyche’s apparent need to enter in with you and your structures, your games – “I can’t live with or without you.” I feel like a piece of me dies if I play the game as you intend, so I strive for what probably appears to others as “boring authenticity.” I imagine others would describe me like: “Sure, Amsterdam’s a kind, inquisitive fellow, but man, he’s a little boring and sometimes intense – he’s just kinda of there and I wish he’d engage a little more. And when he actually engages, I wish he didn’t get so deep and serious so fast – go with the flow bro!” So Fe, here’s to the future – may we get along more and more, finding compromise, the right balance, and mutual comfort.
There’s a lot more to say, and what I’ve managed to say here doesn’t ultimately meet my standards. Perhaps that is just the recovering perfectionism talking and not a healthy TiNe. But this is where I stand today. I am both optimistic and overwhelmed by what the future brings, and I am very excited to see what comes out of this forum, as I have yet to know another TiNe well…
of the world outside is so inconceivable often I barely can speak”
Ti
This lyrical excerpt from the song “Helplessness Blues” (Fleet Foxes) so beautifully sums up the experience of my psyche (as a side note, the entire song and the imagery and mood it invokes also does an amazing job overall). I would venture to say that even the world inside is often “so inconceivable” as well. I am so bent towards UNDERSTANDING that I am often overwhelmed by how quickly life comes at me, and then frustrated that I do not have the time and/or adequate resources to know the absolute TRUTH of what is before me. I automatically look for the root cause, the underpinnings, the framework – and there’s a “thorn” in my mind until I can understand and know for certain. I experience this “thorn” like trying to fit two (or more) puzzle pieces and their jagged edges together in a way that fits perfectly - and I can be agitated/unsettled until things "fit". This seldom happens, but when it does, it feels exhilarating, for however brief a time (usually until Ne-Si comes in with new, possibly contradictory data). Peace for me would be to come to the place of absolute understanding of the truths in all aspects of our universe – to be able to see everything unified as one with no discrepancies, inconsistencies, imperfections or gaps. And that no new data would be available to have to assimilate into this “picture,” that nothing could disturb this perfect understanding. Hence, the many discrepancies, inconsistencies, imperfections and gaps in daily life can quickly become exhausting for me, as exemplified by the lyrics above. What I dislike most is finding the aforementioned within myself.
Ne
I have a love-hate relationship with Ne. I love it in that I get energy and excitement from new, novel things/ideas/locations/experiences – I love to combine seemingly disparate ideas and things together into something that brings understanding (Ti) and harmony (Fe). When new patterns emerge, a bubbling excitement follows. But I also hate Ne in that I find it overwhelming at times – I desperately wish I could turn it off. I hate it when it comes time to make a decision, big or small, and seemingly a million possibilities spring up around me. I hate it when trying to understand some aspect of my inner or outer world and the number of avenues before me seem endless – which one should I traverse?! What if I take the wrong one and waste the precious time I have to come to the deep understanding I so deeply desire? What if a particular avenue seems right but brings me to falsehood and I must now use Ti to carefully and arduously prune away what is not TRUTH? Ultimately, I have learned to appreciate Ne as my gateway to perceiving the world, to appreciate the gifts it brings to me and others. For me, it is learning how to not be overwhelmed by it.
Si
I don’t think about Si much. It is probably most apparent when I have fleeting feelings of nostalgia, like when something hits one of my five senses and brings about a memory. I sometimes cling desperately to these fleeting feelings because I have this sense or belief that maybe I could feel more grounded as I otherwise float through my days; maybe I could put down some roots and actually operate out of a solid worldview like so many around me are able to do (for which I am sometimes envious). Not to say that I do not have beliefs and principles that I stand by each day, but I find that my Ti-Ne can sometimes overwhelm my Si and dismantle it – this is usually an unsettling and stressful experience for me. My Ti-Ne seem to berate my Si, asking it, "How can you know for sure?" Otherwise, I sometimes laugh at my Si when it rears itself with random facts and figures I’ve learned over the years that are suddenly triggered from a nearby anchor point that was illuminated by Ne; it’s like a father smiling at and adoring his children’s random and whimsical verbal iterations.
I do occasionally find Si useful in my vocation and while furthering my education, for instance.
Fe
Ahh, Fe – you are the oddest thing in me. At times, I thought I was FeSi because I thought I knew you so well: your code of honor, your fashion, your persona-building, your ability to manipulate and shepherd emotions. Other times, I cringe and shake my head as I see right through your manipulative BS – do not try to sway me with your 'emotionality', puffiness or smooth talk. Yet, other times you baffle me because regardless of my understanding of your dynamics, I cannot seem to always enter into those dynamics. Further irritating, is my psyche’s apparent need to enter in with you and your structures, your games – “I can’t live with or without you.” I feel like a piece of me dies if I play the game as you intend, so I strive for what probably appears to others as “boring authenticity.” I imagine others would describe me like: “Sure, Amsterdam’s a kind, inquisitive fellow, but man, he’s a little boring and sometimes intense – he’s just kinda of there and I wish he’d engage a little more. And when he actually engages, I wish he didn’t get so deep and serious so fast – go with the flow bro!” So Fe, here’s to the future – may we get along more and more, finding compromise, the right balance, and mutual comfort.
There’s a lot more to say, and what I’ve managed to say here doesn’t ultimately meet my standards. Perhaps that is just the recovering perfectionism talking and not a healthy TiNe. But this is where I stand today. I am both optimistic and overwhelmed by what the future brings, and I am very excited to see what comes out of this forum, as I have yet to know another TiNe well…
